I'm an advocate for children who have or are being bullied, and for adults dealing with the long-term effects of childhood bulling. This is a safe place for you to find help and resources and support to overcome the harmful effects of bullying. I am so glad you found this safe space, you are very welcome here, and you are not alone. Together we will help you find a way forward, because you matter.
Sometimes when we are sad and confused it can be difficult to know what to do to feel better. It is a good idea to have something to cheer us up when we don’t feel so good. Why don’t you ask a grown up to help you create a “Happiness Box”. You could decorate a shoe box, or use a colourful toy box, or find somewhere you can put some special things in. So, what should go in your box? Something comforting, like a soft toy, maybe a game that you could play, or some colouring in books and pens and pencils. You could ask someone who cares about you, whether that is a mum or dad, big brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend, or teacher to help you write down some kind things about yourself to encourage you when you feel sad. They could even write a letter or a note to you that you can keep in your “Happiness Box” for you to read whenever you need to hear some kind words about yourself. You could also ask them to help you find some nice pictures, drawings, photographs, or something cheerful to keep in your box. Maybe even a sweetie or a chocolate too!This will be your own special box, just for you, filled with some of your favourite things to help cheer you up when you need help finding your smile 🙂
When people say or do mean things to us, it can hurt a lot. It can ‘scramble’ our thoughts a bit too. Words can cause a lot of pain and damage, so if someone has used unkind words against you this might have caused a ‘wound’ in your mind and emotions.
Because being bullied is very painful and difficult to deal with we can end up believing that the mean things people said or say about us are true. Instead of being our own best friend, we can bully ourselves by what we say to ourselves in our minds (what grown ups call ‘self talk’). This can happen even when the bullying stops. That’s what happened to me. After a couple of years when the bullies were no longer in my class at school and I became friends with nicer people, the cruel way people treated meleft me feeling very bad about myself. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and in my mind I kept repeating the bad things and in a way ‘bullying’ myself. I would say mean things about myself because people had been so mean to me, and I didn’t know how to cope.
I didn’t have anyone telling me how to deal with things and because people only see what’s on the outside, no one really knew the damage that was happening in my mind. Even as a grown up I have struggled with these thoughts and have had to work really, really hard to change them into kind thoughts about myself, and I am still working on it.
I don’t want you to have to go through such a hard time, so I want to tell you how important it is that you try to think kind thoughts about yourself now, no matter what anyone else has said about you. Imagine that you have a friend who you really like and you think good things about them. Now imagine that a bully started being mean to your friend, what would you do? Even if you didn’t feel brave enough to do anything at the time, afterwards you would probably try to comfort your friend and be kind to them. You’d maybe ask them if they were ok, give them a hug or do something to make them feel better. You might use your words to encourage them and help them feel good about themselves. If the bully called them ‘stupid’ you might tell them that you think they’re smart, and remind them of the things that they are good at. If the bully called them ‘ugly’ or some other mean words then you might tell them something nice about their appearance and that they are a lovely person and you are happy that they are your friend. If the bully hurt them physically you might get help for them.
When our friends are hurt, we want to protect them, be kind to them, help them, and make them feel better. When we get hurt, we can find it really difficult to manage all the unpleasant feelings that we experience, and we can end up being really horrible to ourselves. But as difficult as it might be, we need to try to treat ourselves with the same kindness as we would treat our friends when they are in trouble, instead of bullying ourselves by saying mean things in our minds about ourselves. Have you ever thought mean things about yourself? Sometimes we tell ourselves lies, because we believe they are true even though they are not, things like ‘I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m horrible’. Do you do this? Instead of being another bully to yourself, say to yourself if someone was mean to my friend, what would I do or say to make them feel better? I should be a good friend to myself. And then do or think something nice about yourself. Every time you feel like being mean to yourself, say something nice instead, keep practicing this over and over and be your own best friend.
If you’ve been bullied it is understandable if you feel a bit scared or nervous, or wonder if you belong. You might even wonder if you are welcome here. Let me reassure you that I am so very glad that you found this safe place online, and are looking for help. If you are nervous, just know that no matter who you are, I think that you are very important, and you will only find support, kindness, care, respect and love here. This is a safe place for you and you are definitely welcomed and cared for here. I am a ‘grown up’ and I was bullied as a child. Now that I am an adult I want to help kids and teenagers (and adults) who are still going through bullying or the effects of bullying because I know how bad it can feel, and how confusing it is to try to understand what is happening to you. Even if you don’t know what to do or who to talk to, you can come here and find encouragement and advice. Please know that you are very important and special and nobody has the right to make you feel bad. I hope to share with you some of the things that helped me, and encourage you that there is help for you and you matter.
Victory Over Bullying - Help and Support for You 